Good Bye!!

There are some good byes which we have to say in our life's. Some of them are painful and some of them are very meaningful very much needed in our lives to progress further. Some good byes we never wanted to say to few people things situation circumstances. But we could see God forcing us or creating situations to say good bye. We sometimes can't understand why and for what but at a later phase in life we could realize that good bye was a very much needed one that has transformed our life way better. In this year I have been saying good bye to lot of things people and situations in my life. I could see God clearly separating me from lot of things and preparing me personally to be equipped in lot of areas. This good bye which I said to something today was something which I have been with almost the last 10years almost every day most of the time, hardly I would have not been with it in days or week over the last 10 years. The one which gave me lot of memories, happiness, joy, experiences, travel, new places, lot of people, excitement, bonding, long drive, lonely drive it has been a place of my solace. My hideout, it has seen all my happiness, joy, sadness, failures, excitement, disappointments, cry, success, victory almost everything for the last 10 years. I could only say thank you Lord for giving it me for the last 10 years. It's none other than my car. If I look by 15 18 years before I used to dream and think will I be able to get any car. From dreaming about something to having it, from not knowing to drive or not wanting to drive until I had my own car to be driving it all the time to all the places for 10 years. And the care I used to give in the initial days months years without any dust and scratches. And that love faded over the years and the care stopped like I used to care in the initial days months and years. From caring fully to hardly taking care of it. It has seen the good times as well as the bad times. Accidents floods from no scratches to all scratches. As years gone my and lot of things have changed over the years when a time has come to say good bye to your most loved things. Rather that feeling sad or worried about letting it go. I'm cherishing every moment which God helped me to spend on it, from all the joyous to my painful moments which has seen all my laughter cry heard all my music. But from today on I may not have that one with me. I may get something better bigger or smaller worse it really doesn’t matter. I’m grateful to God for giving this journey a companion for the last 10 years which I will continue to cherish even if I get THE BEST cars in the world in the days or months or years to come. A good bye filled with little tears and lot of memories, missing more than a friend who accompanied me for last entire decade.

Unexpected Break & Breakthrough

Last month end, I was going through a very tough phase in my life. As if I was holding on to the last rope of hope with almost everything was crashing. Only a few close friends of mine would know the phase I was going through. It was like there is no way ahead and whoever knows my situation would know there was no hope. I could feel that God is clearly talking to me lot of things and He is preparing me for something. But in that situation when the breakthrough wasn't happening and when you are more broken its really difficult. At that time only Annie has comedown from Belgium, she was casually saying she has decided to go to Naallumavadi for the Prayer which happens every month end. Immediately priya also said she will join, Reuben who has never travelled in the last 6 years said he will also join. But there were lot of things going around me where I had to take lot of life changing decisions in my life at that point in time. Everyone forced me to join, I really wanted to go but my situation wasn't favorable as I was reluctant due to the lot of things happening at the same time. Annie booked the tickets and said you come. Even after the travel was planned last day before the travel I couldn’t confirm cos I had couple of important meetings which I can't miss at that important junction which I have been waiting to happen for months. But some how I made up my mind and I decided I will travel for this prayer. As friends think this is the first time we all travelled again others after marriage this is the first time we all are travelling for the first time, Avi was there already in Naalumavadi. As soon as we started the journey there was some peace of mind, it was a total break for me to think of all whats happening and the things what I was going through. The 2 to 3 days was a life changing moment for me personally. I don't believe in places, God answers our prayers wherever we pray sincerely as He looks only our heart. But for me for that breakthrough to happen which have been waiting for couple of months, I was able to feel in the spirit that time itself its done. Each one of us where going through different things but it was a needed break and breakthrough for all of us. I learnt this for sure, over the last couple of years I have been trying to do lot of things putting lot of my time, energy, efforts, money my everything but I couldn't see anything happening. Though I had all the Trust in Him, somewere I was trying to do a bit relying on my strength, now I know the next phase of my life is Going to be the other way around, not relying a bit on me and its going to be 100% relying on Him alone. Exactly a month after, on the same date of this month prayer couple of things which I have been waiting for couple of months happened. I could see God clearly guiding and taking me completely away from my existing situation, people, surroundings which have been draining all these years and placing me in a complete new environment and preparing for breakthough and the things which I have been waiting for all these years. If Annie didn't plan for the prayer or pushed for that prayer, I don't think I would have gone or all of us would have gone for that prayer. It was indeed a greater blessing for all of us. I'm not sure who is reading this, if you are going through a tough phase in life and thinking there is no way around, God is ready to make that way for you in an unexpected way. Just surrender to Him no matter how far you have gone or how far you have failed, He will bring you closer and you will be able to see His strength and all the success you have been waiting for.

Words

Normally my Mom used to water all the plants in the house on daily basis. Once my mom went to my sisters home for a week, so I had to water all the plants for a week. That’s when I noticed couple of plants were dried up and some were in almost dying stage. That time I remembered of seeing a video or reading somewhere about an experiment when you speak life to the plant you can see it growing and when you curse it dies up eventually. Just for few days I tried speaking life to those plants while I watered them for a short while I was amazed to see the major difference all the dried ones could see new life and growth. I just wanted to try whether the experiment was true or false was eventually able to see significant difference. That reminded me of how many times we personally would have experienced in our life. When we are with few people, how energised and charged with few people cos of their kind, appreciative, motivating words enlightening us, empowering us, even a failure person it gives the motivation that you can achieve big things. However there are few people when we meet them they drain out the energy completely from us by their words. Whenever we meet them we feel hurt if their words they speak they demotivate a person who can achieve and do great things can also become a person who can’t do anything just listening to them. How many times we have been a person who always motivates and speak life to other people’s lives or how many times we become the people who hurt our loved ones by our words and being a demotivating person for many lives. It’s time to think and be surrounded with people who can speak life into our lives and not the ones who drains and demotivates us and be the person who can speak life to other peoples life and not demotivating them.

Industrial Visit

This incident which happened during our college which we will never forget. Hope none of our college students will forget this. Forgot whether its first year or second year. We have been scheduled for an industrial visit in our college to Ennore. I was studying in Sathyabama Engg college. The college is known for its strict rules and regulations most of us would be aware of. When we studied it was part of the madras university and it was one among the top 2-3 college across the city. Though the college is very strict I also don’t study much but I always remain disciplined I had never ever bunked a class or taken even a single day holiday during those days. It was so planned to have an industrial visit for the entire batch of us from our department to visit the Ennore thermal plant. There were 2 buses arranged one bus with entire girls gang and the few very studious guys in the bus. The other with all the boys of the class in the bus. As we started the bus as soon as we exited out of the campus all the boys were so hyped and everyone was shouting and having a lot of fun in the bus. As we started our journey from Sholinganallur towards Ennore, suddenly what happened one or 2 guys from the bus started to plan to get down from the bus and go somewhere else. As soon as they got down every signal another bunch of guys planned something and got down either movie or hanging out or to malls each of the bunch got down with different agenda. Before we came near adyar almost the entire bus was empty hardly with 2 or three left. That time I don't know what was running on my mind even I got down with another 2 or 3 boys down the bus. We didn't do anything we just went each to our homes. I have never bunked a single class till that time in college don't know why I did that that too on our visit to industrial visit. We all didn't know what happened after that and we all went normal to our college next day. To our surprise our HOD has reported this incident to the director of college and the entire boys who all got down were given the office duty. Office duty is nothing but if anyone follow the rules or didn't do what they supposed to do they have to be standing in front of the office. As we all were standing then only we all came to know when the bus we all went and reached the location there was none in the bus when the staff who was sitting in the bus turned back to see he was so surprised. Director of college have instructed all our students to bring their parents to college to meet the director in person. That incident is so unforgettable we all bought our parents, now all our parents it was a nice opportunity for them to meet all their kids friends and even their parents. Though it was a very funny moment whenever we think of it we will always laugh. But that incident reminds me to think it from a different perspective. Though I had never taken leave to college even a single day unnecessarily though it was a fun trip to enjoy though educational when everyone started doing it we got carried away. There were lot of guys even very studious guys not like me also got down from the bus and they had to bring their parents. It’s a reminder to see are we getting carried away by seeing the crowd though we have our principles though we stand a lot to do right things we can be easily carried away when we want to be included and are not willing to be differentiated from the crowd. Though we may be that 1 or that 1% who didn't want to go with the crowd, are we willing to letgo of wanting to be included in the crowd compromising ourselves and our principles or standing out from the rest.

Chicken Floss Bun

When I went to Srilanka for the first time with Avinash when Caleb was working there, he took us to Bread talk. He gave too much of hype stating the chicken floss bun there would be tasting so good and it’s a must try. I felt he is giving too much hype, as we know he is used to do that for everything so we can't trust him. Anways with a little doubt we went to that place. To the surprise it was tasting really good. I fallen for that food, can't explain it properly how tasty that food is. The buns will be so soft and inside it will have kind of cream cheese filling and in the top of the buns it will be layered with Chicken floss. Those chicken floss looks like cotton candy that’s how those chicken would be done and topped. When you bite, the soft bun, the cream cheese and the cotton candy kind of chicken all together in the mouth altogether gave a different experience. I loved that, had couple more again the same day. Think we came again to the same place before we left. Also When I went twice to that place later once for Toastmasters conference and other time with family when Caleb was there went both the times to taste that lovely Chicken floss Bun. After I started the business its been more than 5 years have stepped outside the country. Last year decided to go to Srilanka with Dev as it has been more than 5 years without any travel outside India. I was giving so much hype to Dev and as soon as we landed we went straight to Bread talk. To our surprise and disappointment they said there is a lot of delay in getting those shipped from Singapore these days. After Covid and also after that Srilanka eeconomic crisis. I immediately asked them whether it will come in the next couple of days, they said no it will take minimum of 20 days for it to be shipped from Singapore. I was totally disappointed as soon as the start of the journey. Though we had good time exploring all the places and tried different food. But disappointment to the fact that expectation wasn't fulfilled after a wait of 5 years and not getting the one which I so longed to have was a scar at that moment. Have experienced the same in most of the times, though we have lot of really great moments to enjoy and cherish. Without enjoying and cherishing those moments we get disappointed cos of expecting something and that not happening in our lives. Our lives become more enjoyable with lot of cherishing moments when we least expect anything or from anyone and enjoying every little little moments and people God has blessed us with.

Oil Spill

When I used to work in HCL BPO, I used to be working in all the shifts. I worked in almost every shift under the sun. The one worst shift which I used to work is the graveyard 3am shift. During those time I used to be driving my YAMAHA RX135 to office. I used to be very rash driving at that time. I never wore helmets. Probably the few hair which I had lost also cos of that. During those morning shift timings I used to wake up only at 2.30 get ready by 2.55. Exactly at 2.55pm I start from Velachery and within 5 mins I will be in Greams Road, That’s how rashly I used to drive. When I reach office all the little hair I had will be spiked up. I easily drive between 80 to 110kms/hour during those days without any helmets. Though I rashly drive, I had a very good control over bike. I never fell down riding rashly. I used to cut between two cars in just a fraction of second and just fly away. Now when I drive the car only I know how painful that is when driving car seeing those kind of bikers. Though I used to drive so rashly I never met with accident or fell from bike. But I could remember this incident, where I was just driving at 20km/hour very very slowly in Tharamani road. Suddenly don't know what happened, my bike suddenly skid and I fell down from the bike. Nothing has happened to the bike, I had a small scratch on my fingers as few flesh part was torn I still have those scars. I couldn't get to know what happened, then only I realized there was a oil spill very less on that road that caused the tyres to skid. If at all I had seen someone in the front driving and falling or someone cautiously driving or if the oil was visible seen I would have avoided and this would never happened. If I could think of this incident only one thing comes to my mind. However efficient you are in driving, how effectively and fastly you can go. But there is a point in life we would not even know or think of a small oil spill. Which we might have not even considered it as something or we even un noticed but that could be a reason for us to fall. Though how great our driving can be a small oil spill can make us fall. How great we can be, how great we have achieved in our lives, we may think we will never fall of who we are and what we have accomplished and what we can do but we would not know any one small oil spill which we have unnoticed in our lives could be a reason for the great to fall like any other normal men.

Second Hand

When I was studying in first year college, my friend prince was studying in his School 12th Standard. At that time itself his dad has bought him an TVS Super XL Bike. Whatever he asked His dad will buy it for him cos he loves him so much and he is his everything. When he was about to go to college first year he asked for an Yamaha immediately his dad bought his bike for him. He used to well maintain his XL Super. As he is getting his Yamaha he was about to sell his TVS Super XL. At that time I pestered my mom and asked to buy that XL super bike from him. I never even thought about our financial condition, my dad was working in Saudi that time though we didn’t have much money. Paying my college fees itself was a challenge. Since I was interested my mom didn’t say any word she kept her jewelry and helped me to buy the TVS Super XL. I was so happy, I used to drive that XL super crazy. I used to drive like a super bike not even the racer bikes can't come near it that’s how rashly I used to drive that bike but well controlled driving. Days went by few months went by, one by one I started to face issues with the Excel super. Once the kicker went of, it wasn't working. Once the silencer went of, once the chain sprocket went off. I kept on servicing one by one. Though I kept on servicing to maintain it every time I used to spend 3k, 4k for every service. Though I had bought it for 10k, I would have spent more than 30 35k for the service. The bike was well maintained by prince when he was using it, not even a single issue. Also he left for proper service before even giving it to me. That’s when I realized, since I wanted something I didn’t even pray or wait and ask the Lord, I just wanted it and got it. Not even thinking a bit of family financial condition even wasn't thinking a bit of moms jewelry been kept, I wanted it I got it. Years went by it had come to a worse condition can't even ride properly sometimes. I always had a dream of getting the Yamaha from my childhood. I used to pray Lord I need that bike, fast forward after finishing college and after a wait for job for sometime. When I joined the job with the first month salary I just went and booked the Yamaha RX135 2 stroke of my dreams. The model which I took was similar to the Vintage RX100. As soon as I took and drive on roads everyone will ask how did you got this bike. How did you got it. As soon as I booked and it got delivered the manufacturing and the production of the Yamaha RX135 was stopped. I have never seen any bike of this model in the city. Not only that it was stopped for all the 2stroke bikes across the country. That’s when got reminded me, when you pray to me and wait on it I will make all your dreams come true beyond even your Imagination. After couple of years, when we were searching for houses to purchase. We have been looking for all the second hand houses. None of it was satisfactory for both mom and dad. Don’t know somehow God showed us a new single bedroom house and moved there. Though it was a single bedroom, I have lot of memories associated in that house, I still remember all our friends we used to just sleep in the balcony almost 6 of us will lie down and sleep in that small place. Little forward when we decided to look for a double bedroom after many years, I went on to search for all the second hand houses cos thinking that’s the only thing we can afford. But none of them our parents didn't like it, neither I liked it. We never had the peace at all. But suddenly mom when she went and asked the place near our house where a construction was going on. They updated its all sold out, but again when mom went and approached he said everything is available. We didn't have even a little amount. I can apply for Loan but didn't have any small amount to pay initial. The builder himself said I'll give agreement as you have paid the initials you can go ahead and apply for loan and give it to me once you received the loan. Who will do it for a person whom he has never met. Its was God's great favor. When we were looking for all the second hand houses, he gave the new one which we didn't even ask or search for. After couple of years worked in Wipro, after I learned car driving I was so interested in getting car. At that time all my friends had second hand car. I have one bad habit if its not mine, I wont use something if its not mine. All my friends used to ask me to drive their car but I never would have driven. I wanted to drive my car. I made up all my mind to buy second hand car. Went and checked for few Maruti Zen. I Liked it whenever I liked and was about to buy, I could see something or the other would stopping me from proceeding further. It happens once I liked the car so much, it was a fancy number as well. And the owner was so kind and he said you take I don't know I feel like I need to give it to you. You take it now and you go and pay the advance. I was so so tempted to go for it, but some how felt it was stopped. I felt God was saying me not to go for the seconds. I decided to stop proceeding further and wait till I get my own new car. It took many years of wait, but I got an opportunity with Zero down payment I took the Honda City in 2014. Its still with me, have lot of memories attached to it. If I look back and think, I could only see God's Hand is in it. I would always used to feel when we give the choices to Him, He always gives us the first Best in our lives. But at the same time, when we go behind things based on what we want its always the second best it can never be the best of what God has indented in our lives. It’s a reminder for me to check over the years have I forgotten what my God has done and given always the first best in my life, Have I drifted away from my faith and waiting on the Lord to get the first best in my life and settling down for some second best or even last worst in my life.

Morning Drive

Today I took my car for a drive in the morning. People in chennai will know how the weather during summer. We can’t even travel due to excess heat. It’s been so hot for the last couple of weeks. Even with AC’s running we can still feel the heat. But today it was exact opposite as it has rained in the early morning. It was so soothing to enjoy the ride listening to some nice songs. It’s a quick reminder for me however the weather may be, what ever the season may be still it can be changed in a flash of second if God intervenes. We may be going through situations it may look like the long summer nothing pleasant in our lives. But inspite of the situation and circumstance we all know rain is not possible in that season but still God can bring about a rain in our lives that can change any situation that’s not possible or practically nothing can be done. God can bring that needed breakthrough in our lives in unexpected way where every eye can see as we enjoy and be delighted in that unthinkable miracles in our lives.

Back Pain

During my first year of College I used to have a TVS Excel super, which I used to be driving a lot. 2 incidents happened during those days. Once I was travelling with Robin Annan in his scooter sitting behind with a speaker in my leg. My back was hitting badly in a metal rod behind me. With the weight on the speaker on by lap and the back hitting the road had little pain. Within couple of days before or after. I was travelling with Santhosh on my Excel super. We used to call him Yemadharma Raaja, cos whenever he used to travel with Reuben both of them will fall from the bike or they will hit somewhere while riding. Reuben drives crazy that’s another story but he himself will call him yemadharma raaja cos of hm only all the accidents. I have been driving the excel super so rashly for couple of years, I used to race with all the big big bikes during those days but not even a single day fell from the excel super. Don’t know that day it was the effect of the yemadharma raaja Santhosh that day. I just overtook an auto another bike came in the wrong route suddenly in front, even after applying full break couldn’t able to stop we went and bumped in the bike and we both fell down and the handle got twists we adjusted and went on ride again. After couple of days I started getting back pain. It started a little and it become very severe. I wasn’t sure which incident was the reason either the speaker ride on the scooter with Robin Annan or ride with our yemadharma the reason for the back pain.It become so severe I as struggling to walk, ride, lift weights. I started going to physio as well. Whenever I go to them when they give shock kind of wave it will reduce the pain but it will start again and it will aggravate. I started sometimes to kind of limp and walk due to severe pain, not to walk like that mom used to mimic my walking so I don’t walk like that. Sometimes I used to think that’s all this pain is going to be forever. Once it happened we were in a meeting in YMCA, that time Sheeba Akka after the meeting said to me I prayed for you today in the meeting when they prayed for back pain and when they said it will be healed thought it will be healed. To tell the truth I didn’t even pray that day in that meeting cos I had prayed many times before and didn’t see any relief. But that day after Akka said that only I checked I didn’t feel any pain, thought it might be just for a spur or moment or I just feeling like that since Akka said that moment. But I never had that pain anytime later but don’t know how it went off like that. Many of us won’t believe can prayer heal. Those who had seen me during those days will know how I used to walk cos of back pain and if God heals it’s healed. It doesn’t matter who prays for us, when genuinely our loved ones when they pray with a sincere heart God hears the prayers. If you have anyone who prays to the prayer answering God with a genuine heart without expecting anything in return you are so blessed. Also be a blessing to your loved ones who can pray with a genuine heart so your loved ones can be healed or can have the comfort or breakthrough what they have been waiting for.

Scratch in the car

When I took the car in the 2014 I have never been used to driving cars before. I used to take care of it so much. Everyday I myself will wash the car ensure it’s super clean all the time. Within 14 days of taking the car, I went in a small lane. It was very short path to travel, at that time I always take big roads to avoid these traffic. When it was very narrow and no way to go I just stopped it. Someone on the front said come come you can come. In the left it was a metal dustbin and in the right it was an auto. As I wasn’t comfortable as I used to be now driving in congested areas. I just followed his instructions as I went a little forward I heard a little noise in the left side. My car hit a small metal which was projecting from the dustbin. I should have stopped or steered to the right. I didn’t know what to do at that moment I just continued driving. I heard a big scratching noise. When I went and stopped the car near home it’s a huge scratch throughout the entire back door. A big line scratch. My heart literally stopped at the moment. Next day took the car to service and gave it for service to get it done immediately. Think it costed more than 35k covered in insurance and the car was like new again without any scratch. I kept maintaining the same way for some years. Even if there was any small scratch I immediately will leave it for body work to be painted back to bring to original condition. That’s how I used to maintain for many years. After that once my car got affected in the flood, after that I stopped giving that care how I used to. Though I had someone to wash it daily. Previously how I will take it for immediate body work to be shining bright with needed paintings to be done, now I stopped doing that. My friends who have recently traveling or travelled with me will know how I’m maintaining it like a bumper car now even if hit I’ll just see and drive through though maintaining it with good interiors. Only the friends who have seen or travelled with me when I took the car will only know how it was maintained well. If I think it through what made the sudden change in behaviour of the care I had for was lost. Sometimes I’m not able to understand is it the years or is it old. Or some damage has happened why I really need to take effort or spend so much to maintain again or my needs and priorities have changed or matured enough to not spend for luxury than need. I still not able to conclude. Like this also most of the time it happens for us with any relationship over the years. The same love and care we have for people changes over the years. Sometimes it’s difficult to understand as to why situation, circumstances, finances, difference of opinion, lack of respect, new circle of people. Not sure why for both. But it’s a realisation for me to care for both though years have gone or whatever may happen wish I could always remain the same.

Why me?

Why me? Why me Lord.. This one question almost everyone one of us would have asked the lord in any point of time in our life’s. For silly silly reasons we would have asked the lord some times. When running late for school, when missed the last bus to school. When tyre got flattened while on the way to office. When our parents didn’t buy that expensive toy or they didn’t allow for a movie. when our friends didn’t let in their gang. When we didn’t get our favourite dress for our festivals. When we couldn’t get some matching jewels. Sometimes for even bigger things. Why me Lord why I’m not getting that admission in that school, college. Why me not getting that job opening, promotion, on-site. Why me why no one is falling love with me. Why me Why I’m not married, why I don’t have kids. Why me why I don’t have money to buy things bike, car, house. Why me Lord why I’m not able to start business, why I’m not able to find breakthrough in business. Why me why I couldn’t travel across the world, why I can’t have everything what others have. Sometimes even more serious things why me Lord why that sickness, why that financial loss, why that miscarriage, why losing my property, why me Lord. Why losing my loved ones, why me Lord Losing everything. If we think about it our why me Lord list goes on and on on a daily basis from small silly things to needed and very serious things. But have we ever wondered and thought about it the same why me Lord in a different perspective in our lives. Why me Lord why me.. Even when I’m running late to school even when I missed the last bus, u sent another bus or even I was late at school you helped to find favour to be let in why me. When the tyres got flattened u had protected me from an unknown danger ahead which I didn’t even know why me. When I was gribbing about not being included in friends gang you gave me one loyal friend why me. When I thought I couldn’t get admission in school or college but you gave me admission in even a better college why me why me Lord. When I couldn’t get even a basic job for years but you gave me a high paying job later which I don’t even deserve why me. The promotion that didn’t happen that year but later got a double promotion and that 100% hike which I wasn’t expecting why me Lord. Have we ever asked why me Lord why the job, for me when everyone around is jobless and layoffs happening. Why me Lord when I’m not able to start business or travel or buy things or don’t have money for all luxury but you have given all that things which is needed in my life may not be what all I wanted. Why me Lord, why have u given a lovely family to take care of me even I may not have lot of material things money or possessions. Why me Lord why giving that good health when lot of people are suffering with diseases and losing loved ones. Why have u kept me alive why me. Why me lord why me even when I go through sickness and suffering and pain why Lord why ur always there beside me caring for me healing me. Why me Lord why me even when I fail why u love me so much and give me new start why me. Why me Lord why me when I couldn’t find people to fall in love whom I wanted, but you send me genuine people who fall in love with me care for me more that I could think of. Why me lord why me even when I couldn’t conceive and have baby of my own, u send me kids whom I don’t even know sometimes to share the love with me why me Lord. Most of the times we only ask why me Lord when we don’t have something when we want something when we compare with what others have and what we don’t have and our hearts are always filled with questioning God of his provisions love and care. But at the same time when we question with a heart of Lord I don’t deserve lot of things I didn’t get all I wanted but still you are providing and leading things guiding things which may not be all I wanted but what I needed. We will have a grateful heart. It’s time for us to think why me Lord why me is our questions in our heart all the time is it of finding fault in everything and gribbing about it or it’s a grateful heart of saying why me Lord Why me why those blessings and grace in my life which I really don’t deserve.

Root Canal

Around 2007 or 2008 I suddenly started to have some pain in the tooth. As I have went to any dentist earlier for any regular check up, went for the first time as the pain started little unbearable. Looks like a small piece got broken and when they checked all the scanning they found that one of my tooth got infected and it really needs to be addressed on priority. Dentist said Root canal has to be done to fix it. I didn’t get what actually that meant. I thought it will be like just cleaning of tooth. Later only realised it will be drilling of tooth and fixing it with cap. When they did the drilling it was for couple of hours. Though it wasn’t paining as they have given sedative and painkiller but it was of so discomfort. They asked to come after couple of days to fill with cap. It was so painful and discomfort during that time. I was thinking why I need to go through that pain and discomfort. That’s when I realised if I didn’t do that it would have completely destroyed that tooth and it could spread even more and could have even become more complicated. It’s a realisation for me sometimes that kind of drilling or the pain or the discomfort is needed in our life’s so that we don’t live being in the comfort with the things that could completely ruin our life’s.

Pinch of Salt

I have never cooked earlier in my life. Haven't touched the gas stove at all for many years for not even boiling water. But I have a very good taste. At least that’s helps to work with chefs when preparing menu trying new items. Even if there is a little of salt is missing or over done or if it wasn't cooked like the previous time I could easily figure it out. Couple of months before since I had a little time suddenly I thought let me just give a try to cook and see how terrible it is. Couple of items I did it came out pretty good. Favorite was the Beef Ularthiyathu which came out pretty well couple of times. I did it couple of times for me, and home and friends. Also with couple of other gravies. And when we dined I was able to feel the salt was missing on it. Since friends Dev & Rohan didn't say anything as I cooked specially for them they said its all good and they had it. But I was able to sense it the salt was really missed on one of the dal gravies. It was a gentle reminder for me its always easy to just taste and tell that salt is missing or its too much. But only when we do we know the difficulty of striking the balance. As that was couple of times only I had done it, still didn’t get the hang of it to taste and to get the salt to be adjusted. But it was a different kind of thought though we may be putting all the full efforts in anything we do but we may think of very very little things in life which are of no significance and we may not even consider to check them. But eventually most of the times that turns out to be major factors in we missing something big or huge or turning in a mess cos of that little thing we know that needs to be checked or fixed which we failed to do so. Sometimes its just a little thought or little action or that little habit could play a greater impact in our lives. Like a pinch of salt that one small little habit that needs to be given up or that new habit that needs to be cultivated could make our lives more purposeful and meaningful. And its a reminder for me to work on the habits to give up few things and to cultivate new good habits.

Jump Clip

During the year 2003 or 2004 at that time I was searching for job, quite unsuccessful in getting job at that time. At that time I had met Chandran Uncle after a long time. I used to stay during my school days while I was studying 12th. Since he came to know that I was looking for job at that time, with his concern for me updated me to meet someone. As he was travelling to US he asked me to meet someone who was the CEO of a company in EMPEE towers in Egmore. As I had to give my resume I took the printout already. As I reached near EMPEE towers that’s when I realised I didn’t have the jump clip to put on the resume printouts as there are couple of pages. Then I thought let me take that road adjacent to the EMPEE towers and find any stationary shop, I travelled almost 30 minutes in my bike couldn’t able to find not even a single stationary shop. As it’s already getting so delayed I was literally getting frustrated. I returned again and checked the opposite sides as well unable to find not even a single stationary frustration was at its peak. Again came near the EMPEE towers and took another left and started going further. As I reached to the frustration level I literally stopped the bike on the road and started to grumble. Why Lord not able to get a job that’s different thing, but I couldn’t even able to get just a jump clip that’s what I was literally grumbling. At that time I could hear a small whisper in the ears, God was saying just look to your left. I have never been in this road earlier. It was a stationary, I just parked the bike and got the jump clip and it was big shop and it had lot of files which was needed I bought them as well. As I was about to pay that time God was slightly whispering in my ears. How impatient you were when things were getting delayed. You started grumbling. Look at this shop even the jump clip what you want to get I’m making you buy from an elite stationary with completely air conditioned. It was a simple reminder for me how many times I get frustrated when things get delayed. But in every delays in every season of my Life I have seen always God has given me thee Best.

Unseen Blessings

Almost 2 years before on my birthday it was filled with lots of surprises. Exactly at 12 it was a birthday surprise arranged by Rohan and he made all my loved ones family and boys to be there exactly at 12. Didn’t ever expected that. It was day well spent with lunch with family and dinner with boys in café. It was lot of fun and last minute plans we discussed to end the day with movie or playing cricket. I was exited as soon as Rohan said cricket convinced all boys and went to play cricket. It’s been ages playing cricket or even doing any physical activity. Been just driving car sitting in front of laptop just the walking till the parking would have been the only major physical activity for some years. Was so pumped up as playing cricket during the childhood was the only joy during those days. Was so exited playing started hitting couple of sixes. It’s an indoor court had great fun. With all the excitement not only hitting for sixes just wanted to take even a single run didn’t want to miss that also. As this turf it had a mat as I kept running my walking shoes got stuck I flipped and fell over my shoulder hitting exactly on the ground. Had severe pain still kept on playing. When we started to field I jumped again like Jonty Rhodes flying in the high to catch a catch to later realise I couldn’t even able to move my hand. Then only we realised it’s a fracture or shoulder dislocation. Unable to even move my hand a left hand a bit cos of the pain. At this juncture also I couldn’t able forget the fun Wilpher wanted me to watch the video of gilli song to fix the shoulder dislocation. Immediately we paused the game and we started to the hospital. As soon we went to Kalyani hospital they said it’s shoulder dislocation and we don’t have physio so they suggested to go to Kalyani hospital. During that time when I was in the Emergency Dev and Cliffy singing happy birthday again to end the birthday. Then we went to Kalyani hospital and doctors gave the pain killer and they said it’s shoulder dislocation and they fixed the dislocation. And they put the band in the left hand and advised not to move for 15 days. In my lifetime from my childhood I never had any accidents or fracture or any injury and this was the first time I had that shoulder dislocation. Mostly we often even consider the left hand as most insignificant if we are right handed. When I was not able to do anything with the left hand that’s when I realised I couldn’t able to do lot of things which I used to do at ease. The basic little little things we take for granted. It could be just buttoning the shirt or lifting things, shifting gears. When the shoulder got dislocated and I was not able to do anything I wasn’t worried about anything. My only and only worry was will I be able to drive the car and That’s the only thing which I enjoy the most. If I had to drive all day I’ll still enjoy driving listening to my fav songs. Somehow I don’t like driving automatic cars love shifting gears and driving that’s why I was so worried I will never be able to drive the car again like I used to. After all of those happening during those 2 weeks that’s when I realised how often we don’t value the little little things as blessings what God has given us and we grumble for those unseen blessings. Most of the time Only when we lose them or it’s gone away from us we know how we taken for granted on the little little blessings what God has given in our life’s. By Gods grace I’m back to normal and started driving back again and did couple of solo long drives after that. It was a gentle reminder again for me to never take anything in life which God has given us how significantly small or little it may be but it’s a Bigger Blessing though significantly not seen it should never ever be taken for granted.

Scars for Life

Lot of things in our life happens within our control and there are few things happens beyond our control and we can’t do anything about it. Ups and downs are always part of life. Same to be with success and failures. There are few things in our life can be rewritten failures can be rewritten with success later, sorrows can be replaced with joy later, lost money or possession can be replaced with money or possessions later. But there are few scars in our life that can never be replaced forever. Losing my father was on of the biggest scars in my life. It may sound normal for everyone what a big deal in it, death is for all at one point in time in our life. I do agree with it, but the most paining part was failing to do my duties as son. Chasing my bigger dream I end up quitting my lucrative and high paying job. Against my fathers advice as I’m settled almost that time He didn’t want me to take that risk. But still I went ahead convincing Him. He sacrificed everything from my childhood. Gave almost everything nothing I would say he had bought for himself. Though he was very less paid at that time he made sure we get the best education. Though He may not be the expressive person showing or expressing His Love to US. His way of showing love was always on action and sacrificial love. Chasing my biggest dreams I ended up in huge debt. He emptied himself and gave everything though he wasn’t interested in me getting into debt. He sold all His property, FD’s even to a point during COVID season when everything was stand still He was providing through His Pensions. He still kept insisting in getting back to Job he wanted me to be married, settled and with no debts. I was pretty confident of making it Big in its due time so I was very hesitant in getting back to my lucrative high paying jobs. Though every loved ones of me tell me to do but I was adamant of not getting back to it. It’s not that I don’t value their suggestions or their concerns I’m so convinced that one day I’ll make it so big and huge. We plan and wait for lot of things to happen but life always gives us twists and turns so unexpected. Even in my wildest dream I never expected. COVID will come, it will become a stand still in business again into major debts. Also never ever thought I will be losing Him during COVID. I know I’ll make it big one day, whatever the money or success which I’m waiting for I’ll have it one day. But what is the point in me having all of that one day which I couldn’t able to repay or give back anything of what I wanted. I believed I’ll be able to give everything the best possible to Him. But I could never ever do that… I’m so sorry Appa for failing to do what I really wanted to do. I still don’t have answers to lot of questions as to why.. The thing of not able to do anything and give the best possible life to Him is the biggest Scar in my life till my death..

New Story

While writing or reading we always love to write or read a new line, new paragraph, New Page, New Chapter, New Book. Sometimes we often forget before getting into the new book, new chapter, new page, new paragraph or new line important thing is needed. Without that we can never even get into next line. It’s a very least and the small thing but that’s the key differentiator of all the new lines, page, chapter or Book to start. It’s nothing but the Full stop. We under estimate the power of full stop. This happens also in our life’s most of the time. Some amazing new Journeys, new opportunities, new jobs, new life long relationships, new meaningful friendships, new business, new ventures couldn’t able to start cos we haven’t yet kept full stop to our old journey, same old jobs, same old toxic relationships, same old fake friendships. We keep dwelling in our past reliving those old memories, stuck in the past glory. Unable to leave those jobs, friends, relationships. Now it’s a quick reminder for me to think and decide whether I still need to live on those past glory, failures, humiliation, wasting time on unwanted people by continuing with a comma or to keep a full stop and get in the new line, new paragraph, new chapter or even a new book. I have decided at this juncture in my life I don’t want any more comma and I need that full stop to lot of areas in my life, friendship, people, dreams, failures. And eagerly waiting to write lot of new lines, new paragraphs, new chapter and new book. Awaiting for lot of new dramatic stories to unfold.

Gratefulness or Grumbling

Today as I was reading the scriptures, I was reminded of the Israelites. How ungrateful and rebelling they were. How God did marvelous miracles and delivered the Israelites from the slavery. Doing lot of miracles in the enemy camp and delivering them from the Pharaoh. Seeing all those miracles and wonders and also miraculously saving them in the red sea by making a way and drowning the entire enemy camp. How many more miracles they have seen it. He lead them through the dessert cloud by the day and pillar of fire by the night how He was guiding them. Still the Israelites was grumbling, rebelling, forgot the covenant they worshiped idols they were not loyal to Him. They kept sinning against him and wilfully putting God to test by demanding Psalms 78: 17-19 17 But they continued to sin against him,     rebelling in the wilderness against the Most High. 18 They willfully put God to the test     by demanding the food they craved. 19 They spoke against God;     they said, “Can God really     spread a table in the wilderness? Psalms 78: 37-39 37 their hearts were not loyal to him,     they were not faithful to his covenant. 38 Yet he was merciful;     he forgave their iniquities     and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger     and did not stir up his full wrath. 39 He remembered that they were but flesh,     a passing breeze that does not return. It was a gentle reminder to me, How many times have seen God's goodness over my life. How many miracles and wonders He has done in my life though I'm not worthy and don't deserve any of His Blessings. Still He Blessed with me with lot of things. I'm no way different from the Israelites seeing all the miracles and wonders but still how many times I would have sinned and gone away from the Lord. Seeing all his provisions and all the blessings till how many times I would have been not grateful for all the goodness you have provided but would have grumbled for little little things. I'm sorry Lord forgive me for all of that and help me to be grateful all your Blessings and for all the things I have and let me not sin and grumble for the things I don't have.

Burning the Bridges

Couple of weeks before I read about burning the bridges and it kept lingering in my mind for quite sometime. It happened long time before in that story where the king when they went on war on a ship with just 300 or 600men. Whereas the other opposition in that Island was in thousands. As soon as they landed in the island the king ordered their men to burn down their ship. The ship was completely burned down, now there was no way for them to return unless they win the war. To the surprise they ended up winning the mighty opposition who were in their thousands with just mere 300 or 600 men. It was a reminder for me most of the time we always keep a backup plan if this doesn't work, I’ll get back to what I was already doing. Most of the time in business or relationship or jobs. When we keep chasing the dreams if that didn't work its always a easy way out stating that it didn't work so I can get back to what I was doing earlier. Sometimes its necessary to burn down the bridges after we travelled that path how glorious it may be or how hurtful it may be after passing through the bridge we shouldn't turn back and go back in the same path again. It could be the old job which is calling you back so that you can leave your dream of chasing the business or it could be any old relationship which you moved on is calling back. Its really necessary to burn down the bridges that’s when we can explore unidentified paths unknown destinations unimaginable relationships. Now its time to reflect what is the bridge that you haven't burned down yet which is calling you back which will make you miss the unidentified paths, unknown destinations or the unimaginable relationships.

Easter Sunday!

This Sunday being Easter Sunday as usual plan of dropping Mom in Church early morning and planning to attend my service little later. As I was thinking of the day and in today's message as well it’s a reminder for me to think of all the areas dead in my life. As I kept thinking I could reflect and see myself being dead in lot of areas in my life. May be with my relationship with God, my personal commitments, my dreams, finances, holiness almost in every area of my life I could feel I'm not what I used to be. It’s a reminder from God that all the dead areas of my life He is breathing life into it. It may be like that of Lazurus who was dead and buried. But when God called him He was resurrected from death. This Easter Sunday be the last of all the dead seasons have recently experienced in all the areas of my life as everything is going to be resurrected. I'm not sure for who it is if you are feeling that everything is dead in ur life there is no future hope. There is no way around and no one to help or feel that you have have gone far far away from the Lord and you are not worthy of his resurrection power. It’s a reminder for you that God Loves you more than anything or anyone. His resurrection power is going to be manifested in every walk of your life where you feel nothing can be done and everything is dead. Experience His mighty resurrection in every walk of life this Season.

Reflecting Journey

In the last couple of years, had some interactions with few people gave very good experience. Some of them was too good, how a person can be so caring and out of they way someone can come and help when in need. Also few people though they can't be of big help knowing their inability to help still out of care they keep checking on every single day to make sure everything is ok and helping us to get over things, motivating encouraging and praying. Also I had few interactions with few people just broke the heart. After all the caring and doing everything beyond ability wasting all the time, money and energy just cos of the love and care for them. But when their things are taken care and when they found people with more money or who can be of better help they left and they are no where to be seen. Not being seen around is also fine, and not even having a little care about us is also fine, but the way they treat us once they get money breaks the heart. Sometimes its overwhelming cos we could have done all cos of love and care. How can be people so heartless without any love and care. Some times those breaking moments is needed to move on. Not everyone are destined to travel in our journey till the end. There are few people comes to our lives as blessing and few as lessons. Sometimes its really very difficult to forgive cos of the hurt. But I could feel God asking to forgive but its not that easy, its difficult. I have been struggling on that lately, of lot of struggle I have forgiven them. It was a time for me to reflect on how many times I have been like that as well to others, some times encouraging sometimes heartbreaking. If I would have been like that heartbreaking to anyone without my knowledge I ask of that forgiveness and will never ever do that mistake even without my knowledge and will be of encouraging to others. Also at the same time, its also a reminder not only to forgive them but not to forget what they have done in the past its not about grudge its about being aware of who they are and what they are capable to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. When they don't even realize what they have done, it’s a red flag and those people are not destined to be in our journey. As how we meet people in our train journey few people just have to stay around just for a station some of them for few more stations not everyone may be destined to travel through out. So lets not worry about who hurt and left us they are destined for us for a short period of time to teach a very valuable lesson to not repeat the mistake with anyone going forward caring, wasting time money and energy on anyone who don't appreciate. But at the same time there are few people who were sticking around even when we could have done nothing to them but they would have treasured us like anything those are the people who needs to be in the journey.

Unknown Destination

I was once travelling on my car to an unknown destination. The person has sent me the location to their place. As I have been out for the whole day and haven't charged my phone for a while. As I was about to reach the destination in 10 or 15 mins my phone completely got drained. As the phone is completely drained unable to check the location in google maps. Little impatient to wait for the phone to be charged to restart the journey. Quickly asked someone on the road for the direction and started the journey. After couple of turns and going quite a long way realized we have taken a wrong turn. Again when asked someone else they also directed again in a complete wrong direction and we almost went opposite to our destination. After the phone got little charged still unable to locate direction as the data wasn't working at all for some reason it wasn't connecting properly. Not sure of what to be done called the person who asked us to come. He then directed us with the exact route, following his instructions we were able to take an U-turn and get back to the direction where we need to go and we were able to reach the destination though it got little delayed but we were able to reach exactly where we wanted to reach. When I was thinking over this incident one thing I was able to relate was to our calling or destinations what God has planned in our lives. Most of the time we get deviated when we aren't connected to God and we be carried away by all who says as it’s the direction or the journey we need to take. There is nothing wrong in getting counsel there is nothing wrong in asking the direction as they will be able to guide with their experience. Though they are experienced and share with lot of concern and love sometimes they might not be able to guide to exact destination we ought to be heading. Cos they can share sometimes only with their intellectual experience or facts. But they can't see beyond the facts experience what God has called or what God has chosen us for and where He has planned to take us on a journey. Only God can reveal the exact destination where we supposed to be heading and He can only show the exact way to take. Sometimes even the intellectuals, experienced and the concerned people advices may lead to wrong turns U turns leading to the change the course of direction though it may seem to be all good but that’s not the way God really wants us to take. The path or the route sometimes God takes us or when we take those routes not listening to them others might think we are stupid or dumb head or arrogant not listening to their advice as it was shared with concern love and care. But that may be the exact path He wants us to take sometimes to make us fail to learn our lesson to break our Self to equip ourselves to make us strong on the journey so that we are well equipped enough to be in the place or the destination where He has called or chosen us for. We could only know the exact route where we ought to take only and only when we are connected to Him and seek His guidance that time only we can hear His voice of where He wants us to go. Though if we have failed listening to His voice and lead by others and gone far far away, still we can get back to Him and ask Him to redirect our paths of where He wants us to be He will guide us though it may got delayed due to some unknown or wrong directions taken we can still get back to where God really wants us to be in the journey for the destination what He chose us for.

Out of Tune

Once I happened to sit in a jamming session with a band of musicians. All the musicians where playing really good. The drummer was so very good in his rhythms and the bass guitarist was matching to the drummer with his grooves and kept the band live. The keys and the lead guitarist were also so exceptional. Lead female singer and the male singer were also singing very nicely and their harmonies were too good. But together when we were hearing something was missing. It was none other than the guitarist. Though he was playing too good and he is a good guitarist but it was missing something that’s when the keyboardist updated ur guitar is not in tune. Till that time he couldn’t recognise. The basic thing any guitarist does is tuning his guitar before rehearsing or playing. As soon the guitarist came he started to play directly as he was late he didn’t have time to tune or check. What a kind of musicians they were, every one was exceptional individually. But when they all played together it wasn’t sounding that good, just cos of one guitarist failed to tune his guitar entire team effort or the song which s hi upposed to be so soothing or comforting it felt so odd and it wasn’t even pleasant to be heard. This reminded me of something and gave a different perspective. How many times though we are multi talented hard working and with big goals and dreams cos of one habit or cos of one unwanted relationship or friends who are not tuned to what our dreams and goals have become the reasons our goals and dreams unachievable and the reason for shattering all our vision. It’s time to reflect and see if we can tune our habits or the relationships so they will be the motivators in achieving our dreams and making everything memorable rather shattering our dreams and making life miserable.

Halt!

Yesterday while I was driving in a heavy traffic suddenly felt the AC cooling drastically reduced felt AC wasn't working. In few mins the car started to Choke the speed suddenly started to drop. I keep accelerating but it was moving vey very slow. Couple of instances it was about to be stopped some how I managed to drive through. One point it almost halted in middle of the subway with such a huge traffic. Then I noticed on the dashboard a different sign which was blinking which never have happened before. I immediately called the mechanic and informed him about what's happening. He asked me to send the image what I see on the dashboard, I sent to him. In the meantime I somehow managed to drive through the subway and in the middle of the road asked the auto driver for any mechanic shop nearby for which he said there is nothing nearby. I somehow kept moving slowly though it had stopped couple of times, seeing the dashboard sign the mechanic called me immediately and asked me to stop the car from driving any further. He then went on to update me that the engine coolant is completely drained it will be super hot. He asked me to open the bonnet and check and it’s the same it was too hot. He said you are in a different place right now, I can't come but I will guide you in the videocall so you can do the workaround so you can return. I was clueless as I never had this issue before and never done that before. He said it will be very hot right now so wait for it to cooldown. Give some 20 mins time and then open that and fill with water for almost 2 liters and then check and see. I waited for almost 20 mins and the heat also has reduced and its cooled down. Then in the videocall he guided me, accordingly I removed that and filled with water. He asked me to start the car to check and see. Now the car started immediately and there was no signs on the dashboard. He asked me to check the AC felt it wasn't running. He asked to check the motor it was running again when I got into the car AC was also working. He said its just a workaround for you to get to home. Tomorrow morning leave the car for service to check the reason for the leak and the coolant filled to fix it permanently. As I was pondering on this a different thought came to my mind. How many times God would have asked to change our directions. We keep ignoring his voices, his signs like how I ignored the AC not working, chocking the signs on the dashboard. Until I got a clear warning from the mechanic to Halt. Sometimes God brings us to a Halt cos we keep ignoring all the voices, signals and the warnings. Then he lets us cool down think and then changes our course of direction. Though it might seem like a sudden Halt but he refills us to keep that journey going. What is that God has been asking you to change the course of your direction. Are you listening to his voices, signals. If we heed to those we can avoid that Halt or God has to bring us to the Halt to stop and change our direction.

Goa Trip!

I love long drives have been driving for couple of years. For official or with friends picnic it has become so normal driving long drives. Though the trips may not be that far from Chennai to Bengaluru, Madurai Kanyakumari, Pondicherry. Its always short trips and we often used to swap between friends while driving so we don't get tired during our travel. One time me & Solo decided to go to Goa only both of us driving. That time he was in business and I was working at that time may be around 2016. We reached Bengaluru in the night and made a surprise visit to meet Reuben and his family on his wedding anniversary we stayed that night and started early morning from Bengaluru to Goa. The Highway between Bengaluru to Goa was nice and also our journey was in the morning so we were ripping really fast on the highway. While we almost reached Goa when we were going through one forest/mountain kind of place we didn't have any signals to navigate and we found it so difficult. To add fuel to the fire the diesel was literally about to be emptied we were just crossing the fingers hoping to reach the main road where we could locate any petrol bunk. To our surprise when its about to fully drain we found the petrol bunk and we reached in the evening. As we both of us were tired we went out for dinner and we came early to sleep. I think we went during off season so there wasn't much crowd but still the normal party scenes was happening. We both were like wrong people in the wrong place at the wrong time. Both of us don't drink don't party that’s the place don't know why we planned first of all. We wanted to drive so long so we planned for it. Suddenly next day after lunch Solo said lets leave as its boring. Yesterday only we reached after a long drive also we didn't sleep a take rest. Normally I used to sleep min 2 or 3 hours before any drive that day we didn't take any rest. We started and I started to drive from Goa till Tumkur that itself was approx 494kms almost 9 hours drive and then I gave it to Solo to drive. He drove for a while and in a toll he tried to overtake a lorry and to which the driver got angry and he purposefully came and bumped in our car. That time my car was new and used to maintain well without scratches not like how its maintained now. He got upset and said he is not driving and gave it to me. Our plan was to go to Reuben's home in Bengaluru and rest and restart back to Chennai. When we were about to reach Bengaluru we called Reuben and he didn't pick up the phone so we thought lets go non stop to Chennai. I was already exhausted driving all th way from Goa to Tumkur and Bengaluru. After we crossed the Hosur we stopped for Dinner and we thought lets take a nap and we stopped near one of the tolls and slept. We thought we had slept for some half an hour, when my Mom called to check whether u guys reached chennai that’s when we know we slept more than 4 or 5 hours. After that Solo started to drive non stop and he drove so fast as I have to be in office in the afternoon. He drove too fast and we reached on time. This trip I will never forget. As I often used to tell we need to drive so long, but after this travel experience and the hectic drive and the tiredness in the journey. I made a clear decision no matter how urgent it can be without a proper sleep never going for a long drive. This is one another drive which I will remember for a long time, hope solo also remembers it.