Scars for Life

Lot of things in our life happens within our control and there are few things happens beyond our control and we can’t do anything about it. Ups and downs are always part of life. Same to be with success and failures. There are few things in our life can be rewritten failures can be rewritten with success later, sorrows can be replaced with joy later, lost money or possession can be replaced with money or possessions later. But there are few scars in our life that can never be replaced forever. Losing my father was on of the biggest scars in my life. It may sound normal for everyone what a big deal in it, death is for all at one point in time in our life. I do agree with it, but the most paining part was failing to do my duties as son. Chasing my bigger dream I end up quitting my lucrative and high paying job. Against my fathers advice as I’m settled almost that time He didn’t want me to take that risk. But still I went ahead convincing Him. He sacrificed everything from my childhood. Gave almost everything nothing I would say he had bought for himself. Though he was very less paid at that time he made sure we get the best education. Though He may not be the expressive person showing or expressing His Love to US. His way of showing love was always on action and sacrificial love. Chasing my biggest dreams I ended up in huge debt. He emptied himself and gave everything though he wasn’t interested in me getting into debt. He sold all His property, FD’s even to a point during COVID season when everything was stand still He was providing through His Pensions. He still kept insisting in getting back to Job he wanted me to be married, settled and with no debts. I was pretty confident of making it Big in its due time so I was very hesitant in getting back to my lucrative high paying jobs. Though every loved ones of me tell me to do but I was adamant of not getting back to it. It’s not that I don’t value their suggestions or their concerns I’m so convinced that one day I’ll make it so big and huge. We plan and wait for lot of things to happen but life always gives us twists and turns so unexpected. Even in my wildest dream I never expected. COVID will come, it will become a stand still in business again into major debts. Also never ever thought I will be losing Him during COVID. I know I’ll make it big one day, whatever the money or success which I’m waiting for I’ll have it one day. But what is the point in me having all of that one day which I couldn’t able to repay or give back anything of what I wanted. I believed I’ll be able to give everything the best possible to Him. But I could never ever do that… I’m so sorry Appa for failing to do what I really wanted to do. I still don’t have answers to lot of questions as to why.. The thing of not able to do anything and give the best possible life to Him is the biggest Scar in my life till my death..